My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
