Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize