alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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