He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
