I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
