Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
