On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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