I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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