i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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