The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize