I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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