On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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