Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
