And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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