because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
