I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
