So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
