we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When are your genitals available?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
