A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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