OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
