Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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