rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
