he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
