I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
