My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
