I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
