I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
