I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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