haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
