If i come over, it means nothing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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