A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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