You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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