I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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