we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
