I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
