can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
