His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
