everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
