Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
