I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
