So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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