Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
