wanna go halves on a baby?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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