i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
