apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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