hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Enjoy the penises
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
