I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
