He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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