i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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