New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
