you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
