It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize