he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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