i don't like sucking hair
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
