dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
