Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
