We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
