this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
