My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
