either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
