i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
