I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
