He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
