so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
