I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
