OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
