There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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