I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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