It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
