Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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