Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
