he wants to bone in the snuggie
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
