A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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