So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
