So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
