Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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