"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
