yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize