i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
