I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
