Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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