I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize