adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
did i just pee glitter
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