i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
