Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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