"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
