you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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