I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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