playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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