my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
