He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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