I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone came in the potted fern
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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