It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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