My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
