I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
