I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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