He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
