this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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