He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
