i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
