went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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