i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
