walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
