HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
