he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
