haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
