So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
