he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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